Obsession

I'm not sure if it is a truly good thing, but I find that I am obsessed with my daily runs. Actually, the only way I ever accomplish anything is by becoming obsessed with it. With me, things are either an obsession or they are things to procrastinate about until they go away. There is no in-between with me. Likewise with dieting. I record every bite I take. I weigh myself 3 times a day. I am conscious every moment of losing weight.

So it is with running. I track my distance and time carefully, checking distances on map-my-run, timing myself with my stopwatch button on my wristwatch, recording the time down to the second in my PDA and calculating the calories burned on my calorie counting website (you may also see a pattern there that I am pretty much obsessed with digital technology as well). But even more, my lunch time run is what I look forward to all morning. I'm thinking about it while driving to work in the morning. I can't wait for noon to come so I can go over to the gym, change clothes and try to beat my previous best time. If something interferes with being able to run, I resent it.

Monday was a GREAT day! The weather was cool for the first time in weeks, which resulted in almost a new PR at lunch. It's absolutely amazing how much difference 15 degrees makes in running performance. The difference between 65 and 80 is just huge. At 80 F, I am pouring down sweat, forced to walk up the steep hills, barely able to keep running, and not worried so much about my time as just about running at all. At 65 F on Monday, I was running so well that on one steep hill where I often have to walk, I was just zoned out thinking about something else and got to the top, around the corner and part way down the other side before I even thought about the fact that I ran all the way up it. I was running for time the whole way, forcing the pace, lengthening my stride. On the last hill, I wasn't just trying to keep running, I was speeding up, trying to see how fast I could run it.

But yesterday was a big disappointment. It probably shouldn't have been, but it was. A couple that I have been good friends with for over 20 years came by the office for a visit. He worked for me for a dozen or so years, but then they retired and moved away and I don't see them very often. It was great to see them and catch up. But then, disaster struck: They invited me to go to lunch with them. Does that sound like a disaster? It was a nice restaurant. It was a great opportunity to catch up on things. It was a nice meal, nice restaurant, good company, old friends. BUT it displaced my run. In fact, it was the double-whammy: No exercise and too many calories (and too much sodium as well).

I found it depressing. The day was cooler than Monday and I had really been looking forward to a great run at lunch. I really didn't want to miss my run and if I could have found any gracious way to so no to the lunch I would have, but I just couldn't come up with a good excuse. It makes me wonder about my priorities, when the noontime run was seemingly more important to me than lunch with old friends. It wasn't really. I did go out with them.  I just missed that run I obsess over.

I responded uncharacterstically, by pigging out the rest of the day. Instead of the big lunch making me full and wanting to make up for it, I was STARVING all afternoon. I ate candy. I went home and ate more candy (damn Halloween). I ate THREE pieces of pizza. I ate muffins. And before bedtime, I was still scarfing down the candy. I dreaded adding up all the calories. According to my scale, I gained two pounds, though yesterday can't take all the blame - the weekend was pretty bad also, with two pig-out restaurant meals.

Is my running an obsession?  Is that bad?  Not sure.  Not sure I care.  I'm obsessed.